The Chemistry Behind Love
Mikael Seidler
2011
Introduction.............................................................................................................................2
Why we love...........................................................................................................................3
The Hormones.......................................................................................................................7
Oxytocin.........................................................................................................................7
Dopamine .....................................................................................................................9
Pornography and cyber-sex, sexting ..........................................................................15
How it is working in animals........................................................................................16
Relationships .......................................................................................................................16
Types of Relationships................................................................................................18
Dangers of promiscuity........................................................................................................21
Conclusion...........................................................................................................................21
Appendix..............................................................................................................................23
Introduction
Everyone loves romance. It is so nice to love someone and be loved back by them.
You get a nice warm feeling of comfort and security. The most common name for romance
is love. People say they are ”in love” with another person when they feel attached and
want to spend every moment of their life with that person. If romance between two people
is love, then what is love?
Love is a term used to explain the unexplainable connection you have to one. This
paper will help you to understand one part of the complexity of love. This research paper
explains the chemical hormone bonding within romance and its influences on human adult
and teenage relationships. The two hormones most important to this process are oxytocin,
and dopamine.
Why we love
Loving starts in people as soon as they start breathing. (Kuchinskas 20) The baby is
still foreign to love but their HPA (Hypothalamus Pituitary glands and Adrenalin glands)
starts to work on connecting the loving bond with the baby and its mother. The love
between a baby and its mother and father is hormonal. Deep inside our brains, oxytocin is
flooding our brains bringing us closer to each other. Oxytocin is a hormone produced in our
brains concerning our relationships. A more detailed description of this hormone will be
discussed later in the paper. A baby learns to trust those it loves and cries when in danger
and away from the ones it loves. This crying is caused by the HPA releasing cortisol. When
the baby is picked up, it stops crying and is calmed by a release of oxytocin from the HPA.
This is where the love happens. From the first instant the baby is in its mother’s hands
and the oxytocin starts to flow, which is in turn received by the receptors in the brain, the
baby feels loved and in return loves.(Kuchinskas 21)
People say that the reason why we love someone is because we feel comfortable
around them. “We are made for each other and get along.” “It was written in the stars and
he is my soul mate.” These are all things people say are the reason why they love
someone, but there is more to love than just destiny. We feel comfortable around one
person because the bond created by oxytocin is in our subconscious.(Kuchinskas 17-19)
Oxytocin is the love chemical, and also the soothing and calming hormone that is received
after a flight or fight incident or after having an orgasm.(Kuchinskas 19-20) When you have
a dose of oxytocin around one person, warm and safe bonds are created connecting you
to that particular person. Then whenever you are around that particular person those
feelings arise and make you feel safe around them.(Kuchinskas 20)
Love is a complicated idea. People show love in many different instances. For
example, one might say they love their parents, or they love their pet, or they love one
particular person, with whom they want to be romantic partners. Whether it be a male or
female, loving especially one person in normal cases is inevitable in contrast to having the
same kind of love towards multiple partners. It is commonly thought that these different
types of love are different and are not connected. People commonly say that animal and
family love is different from loving another person outside of your direct family. However,
biological research is now showing us that there is a common denominator in all kinds of
love. It is the same reason why humans and especially some animals are more social
than others.
What is the reason for this “love”?
A person learns to love their family throughout their childhood. They have a strong
oxytocin connection between their family members. In a similar way, a pet can become
very dear to you because there is also oxytocin bonding between you and your pet. Of
course, the oxytocin is active in you, the human, but the level of an oxytocin response in
the animal would depend on the kind of animal.
This same chemical action happens in
the same way when you get to know a person, and together you perform acts that bring
you closer and release oxytocin.(Kuchinskas 20) These acts may include acts varying from
kissing, hugging, making love to each other, sharing an orgasm experience with that
person, singing together, giving each other massages, praying together or cheering for
each other. So then why do we pick a person outside of our family to mate with? One
would claim that the strongest connection would be with your family. It is scientifically
proven that people tend to pick a person with the most different genetic makeup from their
own to love. (“Opposites Attract: Monkeys Choose Mating Partners With Different Genes”)
Things that influence us to love are acts we perform together. The more friendly
acts we perform with that person will result in the oxytocin, causing us to love that person
more. Another aspect that influences us to love is how we connect with people.
Connecting to people on a social level is developed from a young age. (Kuchinskas 20)
Even though it may sound like we are programmed automatically to love, in fact, as
babies, we have to learn to love.(Kuchinskas 20) This is important to understand. Our
capacity to love with healthy and holistic love is very much dependent on how we learned
loving guardians. If this process is traumatic or unhealthy, we will not learn to love
holistically.
A baby starts to develop its oxytocin receptors during its first few months. The
amount of caring and loving received from its mother and father determines the amount of
receptors developed. If there is a lack of connection during these few months, once the
baby grows into an adult, he will have a harder time to connect with other people. Certain
animals, such as the rat, show this connection. A caring mother rat that licks her babies
and takes good care of her little ones will create good future mothers, whereas a mother
who is distant will have babies that grow to be distant from their own offspring. It is a chain
reaction, but people, who have the capability to use their left brain, which is not just
instinct, have the capability to break the chain reaction.
Prairie Voles, one rodent that is found in central North America, mate for life. They
spend a lot of their time cuddling and hugging after their more than fifty mating sessions
within the first two days. When there is disturbance, the mother vole will give extra
sessions of licking and caring. (“Oxytocin, chemical addiction and the science of love”)
When meeting a person that has similar values and body language we relate to
them and feel comfortable being around them, and this creates an immediate bond
between these new individuals. This then allows the two strangers to connect and get to
know each other better letting the oxytocin bond them.(“MHC genes, body odours, and
odour preferences — Nephrol Dial Transplant”)
The reason we feel safe around people is that our HPA interprets the oxytocin and
tells our brain that we feel comfortable around the particular person. Memories stored in
the oxytocin glands are brought up to make us familiar to the person.(Kuchinskas 20)
The connection you feel with your family is owed to a great amount of oxytocin you
received throughout your childhood, with all the dangerous and scary situations, and the
wonderful experiences you had, conditioned through oxytocin bonding.(Kuchinskas 20)
Even though oxytocin is a strong bonding hormone, it can be overridden, at least
temporarily. The hormone that overrides oxytocin is dopamine. Dopamine is an important
hormone that drives sex. Dopamine is also the primary addiction hormone. Your sex drive
is directly connected to dopamine. However, just dopamine alone will not override
oxytocin’s bond with the person you love. The reason we stop loving is that, like a drug,
dopamine is always stronger at the beginning, but slowly lessens in its strength.
(“Aspergers Syndrome and Relationships”) This is also why people get infatuated. If your
oxytocin bond is not strong, then once the dopamine rush runs low, you will want to get a
new dopamine rush, so you will want to have a new partner, and when you get a new
partner you will start to build a new oxytocin bond. However, once you get into a pattern of
running your relationships on dopamine, you will get into an uncontrolled habit of falling out
of love when the dopamine runs low. Like breaking a drug habit, the addiction to
dopamine rush is hard to break. (“Addicted To Sex or Dopamine? | Married To A Sex
Addict-My Husband Is A Sex Addict”)
This relates back to how you were raised. If your parents loved you, your social
connection will be stronger, and your desire to love others is stronger, so you don’t want
people to be harmed. However, when they mistreat you, you get confused because your
hormones want to love them, but at the same time your HPA is on a defensive mode
because it sees them as a threat. (Kuchinskas 19)
Love is not automatic. The connection created between you and your partner is
automatic, yet to maintain and create the instances where the bonding happens the two
have to work and do things together to bond themselves. If no extra effort is added to a
relationship, even the happiest relationship can fail.(Kuchinskas 20)
The Hormones
Oxytocin
Oxytocin is a hormone in mammals secreted by the pituitary gland that acts as a
neurotransmitter in the brain. It comes from Greek language meaning literally “quick birth.”
(“About Oxytocin | Psych Central”) It was first discovered in 1909 by British
pharmacologist Henry Dale who found that the hormone extracted from the human brain
when injected to cats would cause contractions in pregnant cats.(“Can the ‘cuddle
Seidler 8
Chemical’ Oxytocin Treat Mental Illness?”) Oxytocin is a hormone that starts to interact
with other people from birth. It is the hormone that brings us together and makes us love.
It is involved in all of our social actions of love and trust. This is not the only thing oxytocin
does. Oxytocin helps contractions during birth. It also helps a mother in the production of
milk.(“About Oxytocin | Psych Central”) It soothes and calms you after a frightful
experience.(Kuchinskas 78) Oxytocin is what makes you sociable and able to connect to
other people.(“Can the ‘cuddle Chemical’ Oxytocin Treat Mental Illness?”)
Scientists have learned a lot about the way oxytocin works by studying the Prairie
Vole. In the 1970s C. Sue Carter noticed in her research that the Prairie Voles and the
Montane Voles acted different in their reproductive behavior. The Prairie Voles formed
long-term pairs whereas the Montane voles did not. The difference discovered was that
the female prairie vole has lots of receptors for oxytocin in their brain and the male praire
vole has receptors for the similar hormone vasopressin. The montane voles lacked these
receptors. When the oxytocin is blocked in the Prairie Voles they do not form long-term
pairs. (“Can the ‘cuddle Chemical’ Oxytocin Treat Mental Illness?”) Oxytocin is particularly
significant in female Prairie Voles, but in males, oxytocin together with another hormone
vasopressin, which has a similar function as oxytocin, causes bonding to one partner. A
genetically engineered mouse without the gene to produce oxytocin will be asocial. Not all
vole species are monogamous. Non-monogomous voles lack oxytocin receptors in their
brain. They find mating pleasurable because of the release of dopamine, but since they
do not have the oxytocin receptors, they will not associate the mating with one particular
partner as the Prairie Voles. (“Addicted To Love - National Zoo| FONZ”) The research done
with Prairie Voles can be connected to humans because according to neuropsychiatrist
Louann Brizendine, who directs the Women's Mood and Hormone Clinic at UCSF , "If you
give men nasal squirts of oxytocin, it increases their trust in others, their ability to be
affectionate.” (“Hormones’ Complex Role In Human Sexuality - SFGate”)
How do we get oxytocin?. Oxytocin is a hormone stored in our body and it is
released during different types of activities. The strongest release of oxytocin is during
orgasm and sex.(“Orgasm and Attachment: The Power of Touch”) Women get oxytocin
releases on a more regular base than men. When two girls touch each other in a friendly
way, they are receiving small doses of oxytocin.(“How Hugs Are Proven to Help Your
Health: Have You Been Hugged Today?”) Men, on the other hand, do not receive oxytocin
as easily, therefore, they have to rely on more intense interaction. These interactions may
include kissing and cuddling or receiving a massage. Oxytocin helps relieve stress, and
because of that, when one is in love, they tend to not be as stressed. “Love not only
makes us happy; it makes us healthy too.”(Kuchinskas 17)
Humans have a part in their brain called the amygdala and it tells you when to run
and when to love. It determines if something is danger or a friend. It is like a hard drive. It
stores memories and interpret them so that the next time when you see something similar
it will tell you to run or stay.(Kuchinskas 18)
Sometimes the HPA (hypothalamus pituitary glands and adrenalin glands) can get
overstimulated and become dangerous to your health so they need to chill. That is when
the chill factor comes in. “If you think of the HPA axis as your inner warrior, the
parasympathetic nervous system is the peacemaker and its dominant chemical is oxytocin.
A body stuck in fight-or-flight mode will wear itself out. So even as it tweaks the
sympathetic reflexes, stress of any kind also stimulates the parasympathetic nervous
system to release oxytocin, putting the brakes on the stress response.”(Kuchinskas 20)
Dopamine
Dopamine is the addictive drug that has the capacity to overcome oxytocin.
Dopamine is the “feel good”- drug and the rewarding drug.(“Addicted to Love - National
Zoo| FONZ”) When you do something that feels good, a dose of dopamine is being
released to reward your body. Dopamine is the hormone that is blocked from being re-
absorbed by cocaine and consequently causes you to have the high feeling. Dopamine is
actually what you get addicted to. The cocaine or some other drugs, such as
Methamphetamine and amphetamine, only affect the way the dopamine flows within the
brain.(“Addicted to Love - National Zoo| FONZ”)(“Brain.pdf” 24) This same hormone is
what causes you to get addicted to pornography and sex. (“Can Pornography Use Become
an Actual Brain Addiction? | S.A. Lifeline Foundation”) In the same way that you feel close
to someone when an oxytocin release happens, so you also feel happy and high when a
dopamine release happens. Actually dopamine is continually being released at different
levels and that is why we feel happy and sometimes absolutely wonderful about certain
things. You eat a bar of chocolate and you enjoy it. Why? Because it causes the release
of dopamine. (“The Neurochemistry of Sex”)
Dopamine works in the frontal lobes of your brain. Your frontal lobe triggers the
dopamine release therefore motivating you to continue doing what you are doing. Your
frontal lobe is where the thinking happens. You will think about things which release
dopamine because this gives you pleasure.(“Addicted To Sex or Dopamine? | Married To A
Sex Addict-My Husband Is A Sex Addict”) Food, drinks, snacks, sex, and other things all
cause the release of dopamine. Why you are motivated is because of the dopamine.
Without this kind of reward system in your brain, you would not be motivated to do
anything.
In this graph we can see the location of the dopamine neurons. The smiley face
represents the dopamine and it is received by the receptors located in the frontal lobe.
(“Your Brain On Sex | Reuniting”)
(“Addicted To Sex Or Dopamine? | Married To A Sex Addict-My Husband Is A Sex Addict”)
When we take a closer look at the receptor and transporter connection we see that
there is a space where the dopamine floats before it is absorbed by the transports
receptors again. The levels of dopamine in this place will determine how good you feel.
The more dopamine between the receptors and transmitter, the better you feel and more
motivation you will have to do whatever causes the release of the dose of dopamine.
Most drugs work with the dopamine hormone. In this graph, we can see an example
of how the drug cocaine works. Cocaine blocks the transport receiver stopping the
receptor from absorbing the dopamine back into the system. This causes an excessive
amount of dopamine to be out at once, giving an especially good feeling.
(“The Brain-addiction Connection: Cocaine, Dopamine, and More Dopamine Transport
Molecule – All About Addiction”)
As mentioned before, everything we experience in a positive way is caused by
releases of dopamine. In another graph below we see an example comparing just how
food and sex release cause the release of dopamine.
(“Addiction Science: From Molecules To Managed Care - NIDA Publications”)
Dopamine is the hormone that gets you started. It motivates you into a romantic
relationship because your brain loves the nice feeling it receives from dopamine. The
powerful release of dopamine when we start a new romantic relationship is what causes
infatuation. (“Addicted to Love - National Zoo| FONZ”) Dopamine is nature’s powerful way
to help us to overcome our insecurities and anxieties when first making a romantic
advance towards a stranger. Oxytocin, on the other hand, is what keeps you committed to
one relationship. It is a well known fact that over time the amount of dopamine received for
the specific activity and what it is connected to will naturally lessen. That is why without
oxytocin naturally we would want to change partners continuously in order to maintain the
highest possible level of the dopamine induced infatuation high. (“Addicted to Love -
National Zoo| FONZ”) Every time we start a new relationship, this would induce the
dopamine levels to go sky high again. However, humans have oxytocin and therefore want
to bond to each other. Where dopamine drives us to make new relationships, oxytocin
bonds us into the existing relationship. As in Prairie Voles, so in humans, the oxytocin
effect is more powerful than in most animals. Therefore, there is a significant pairing. If we
see dopamine is the drug of sexual promiscuity, then oxytocin is the drug of monogamy.
(“Addicted to Love - National Zoo| FONZ”)
If looking at this with the idea of having as much fun as possible, getting high doses
of dopamine will be a much more effective way of having fun than only getting steady
doses over a long time. In the same way as with drugs, the best high is the first high, so
in a relationship is always the highest with a new partner.(“Addicted To Sex or Dopamine? |
Married To A Sex Addict-My Husband Is A Sex Addict”) Also like with drugs, having
abnormally large doses of dopamine all the time will cause you in the end to not be able to
have much fun. If the thrill is only a natural sex/dopamine thrill, the addiction is a more
natural one, but still an addiction that is difficult to change. However, with drugs, the
blocking of the receptors usually causes the receptors to become damaged in a way that
will lessen their sensitivity to the dopamine therefore requiring an increasing level of drug
to induce the same level of high.(“Brain.pdf” 22)
The risk of sexual addiction does not yet
consider the psychological stress that may be caused when one is constantly attempting to
get dopamine highs with new sexual partners, increasingly extreme sexual practices and
harder and harder types of pornography. (“Your Brain On Sexual Imagery”) The while the
dopamine is giving a powerful high, oxytocin is at the same time being released, causing
the psyche to bond to the person with whom one is sharing this sexual experience. If the
person ignores the natural bonding caused by the oxytocin in exchange for a hooking-up
lifestyle, there are fighting against nature’s way of creating stable long-term relationships.
All the time while you are receiving your dopamine rushes your oxytocin hormone is
storing memories and making you want to bond with that one person.(Kuchinskas 87)
There was a study conducted by Laura Sessions Stepp about the question of the
effect on women from hooking up. The results of this study were that women who hooked
up often would soon start to have post hookup depression. Every time they would hook up
they would get their dose of dopamine and oxytocin, yet the morning after they would be
depressed. Since women naturally are experiencing higher levels of oxytocin than men, it
is understandable why women were seen to have this post hookup depression.(“Dating-
Sex-Casual Sex-Books-Laura Sessions Stepp - New York Times”)
Pornography and cyber-sex, sexting
There are many ways that some people arouse each other and themselves. Sexting
is similar to cyber-sex, but performed through the use of mobile phone text message. Both
of these methods are used when two people want to have an arousing chat. During these
two scenarios there are sometimes exchange of images and masturbation by one or both
of the parties involved. (“The Anchor”) With technology that allows us to easily hookup via
texting or internet, the opportunity to get addictive dopamine fixes is almost unlimited to all.
What is still to be seen is what effect this new trend has on psychological health.
“Scientists speculate that a dopamine-oxytocin combo is released in the brain
during orgasm, acting as a "biochemical love potion," as behavioral therapist Andrea
Kuszewski calls it. It's the reason why after having sex with someone, you're probably
more inclined to form an emotional attachment. But you don't have to actually have sex in
order to get those neurotransmitters firing. When you watch porn, "you're bonding with it,"
Kuszewski says. "And those chemicals make you want to keep coming back to have that
feeling." Which allows not only men, but an increasing number of women not only to get off
on porn but to potentially develop a neurological attachment to it. They can, in essence,
date porn.” (“Does Men’s ‘Bond’ With Porn Ruin Them For Real-Life Sex? – TIME
Healthland”)
How it is working in animals
There are many animals shown to have dopamine and oxytocin in their brain. Only
a very specific species that has been studied is the mouse and the prairie vole. Scientists
have experimented with rats where the rat is connected to tubes that pump dopamine to
their brains every time they push a lever. The rat pushed the lever non-stop until it was
exhausted. The rush of dopamine was so addictive that the rat would not even stop to eat
or drink. (Weiten 101)
This test showed that dopamine can get an animal or person addicted to anything.
What this means, is even thinking about certain things can become an addiction.
Another experiment was done with animals in order to understand how oxytocin
works in relationships with Prairie Voles. The results of this specific experiment were
mentioned earlier in more detail. However, what they concluded from this experiment was
that oxytocin caused the Prairie Voles to be “faithful” and “love” in a life-long relationship.
(“Addicted to Love - National Zoo| FONZ”)
Relationships
As people, we never think of our relationships in a scientific way. We do not do this
because we don’t want to lose the magical feeling of love. To show the thoughts of people
and how their relationship values and wants correlate with the hormones, a survey was
given to high school students aged between 15 and 18. A chart showing the results to this
survey can be found in the appendix. From this survey 87.5% felt comfortable answering
the survey. 66.7% said they preferred having steady relationships while 26.7% said they
preferred open relationships and 6.7% said they wanted to hook up. From this group
81.8% said they were sexually active in their relationships. 76.9% of these participants did
not think one should save oneself for marriage but interestingly enough 25% still wanted to
have a virgin as their partner. To see if people still wanted to have a family at some point, a
question was asked in the survey and the results were that 93.3% wanted to have a family
at some point.
At the same time a survey was given online with the same questions and the results
combined with the high school results were: 96.56% felt comfortable answering the survey.
86.90% wanted a steady relationship, 61.33% were sexually active, 74.68% though it was
better to save yourself until marriage, 58.02% wanted virgin partners and 97.56% wanted
to have a family at some point.
What was a shock in this survey was mixed ideas. People who were sexually active
wanted virgins and thought it would be better to save oneself until marriage.
Here is another example showing the sexual preferences within a high school. Each
dot represents a student that participated in the survey used to create the diagram. This
shows that high school students are more sexually active than before.
(“| LiveScience”) The most interesting dynamic is that even though there is a high
prevalence of having multiple sexual partners, the survey made in this study showed that
the vast majority of respondents still held to an ideal of a long-term monogamous
relationship. These results strengthen the argument that humans are more monogamous
than not. With the scientific understanding of the role of oxytocin in pair bonding, the
monogamy of the human race is not one created primarily by religious systems enforcing
unnatural morals upon their followers, but rather is a natural occurrence in the human
animal. The societal sexual norms over the history of humankind have developed sexual
morals concerning relationships and families most likely because they recognized in an
unscientific way the patterns and ideals working within human biology. Now with the
recent research, new understanding can be brought to interact with age old societal moral
systems.
Types of Relationships
Most commonly when people talk about types of relationships they think
homosexual or heterosexual or bisexual. However, these are not the only t types of
relationships. Monogamy and polyamory, long term partnership and short-term hooking up
are all different types of relationships.
Currently the popular idea is that one is born as a homosexual. According to this
theory, a person does not have a choice to decide if they want to be a homosexual or a
heterosexual. However, if we look at the information we have learned about oxytocin and
its incredible ability to bond humans to each other and to animals, it opens up possibly for
a new theory about homosexuality or bisexuality. Nevertheless, since this paper is not
about homosexuality and how it works, in depth information is not going to be presented.
What is interesting though, is that if oxytocin can bond you to a same sex human and you
allow yourself to think of that person of more than a friend , then it is possible for a straight
person to become a homosexual. In the similar way, the same thing should happen to a
homosexual. They should be able to fall in love with a person of the opposite sex.
Earlier, homosexuality was considered a moral and mental disorder. In 1973 the
American Psychological Association affirmed that homosexuality is not a diagnosable
mental disorder.(“American-Psychiatric-Assoc-background-for-position.pdf”) Some people
may object very strongly to the suggestion that homosexuality is not inborn, but even
though there is a substantial amount of evidence to show that there are biological
differences between heterosexuals and homosexuals, there has not yet been any proof or
test that can definitely predict ones sexual orientation. If we talk about pedophilia, most
people will immediately conclude that pedophilia is a mental illness. There are, however, a
number of professionals that do not share this opinion. Recently in the Canadian House of
Commons in the Standing Committee on Justice and Human Rights, Dr. Hubert Van
Gijseghem gave the following testimony:
“If we know that pedophiles are not simply people who commit a small offense from
time to time but rather are grappling with what is equivalent to a sexual orientation just like
another individual may be grappling with heterosexuality or even homosexuality, and if we
agree on the fact that true pedophiles have an exclusive preference for children, which is
the same as having a sexual orientation, everyone knows that there is no such thing as
real therapy. You cannot change this person's sexual orientation. He may however remain
abstinent.” (“House Of Commons Committees - JUST (40-3) - Edited Evidence - Number
048 (Official Version)”
Is it possible that someone would be born a pedophile, or is it possible that
dopamine is such a powerful addictive hormone, that once a pattern of behavior is
developed which provides a substantial release of dopamine, that it can effectively change
a person’s orientation? This is a sensitive subject. Whatever the conclusion about sexual
orientation may be, the behavior of two consenting adults and the behavior of the
pedophile cannot be compared. However, since there still seems to be disagreement
about sexual orientation, it is part of research to hypothesize new possibilities. Certainly
future scientific research will help us to further understand the complexity of human
sexuality so that we can find a healthy way to maneuver between being a victim of our own
biology to being a master of it through cooperation with it.
The other types of relationships are monogamy and polyamory. Monogamy is when
you have one partner. People may misunderstand monogamy as being one partner of the
opposite sex. In the same way many people confuse polyamory with polygamy. Polygamy
is when a man has many wives whereas polyamory is having many partners. Partners can
be both male and female.
Long term partnerships have a long time for the oxytocin to develop a strong
connection that will help keep the relationship together once the initial dopamine of a
relationship ends. Dopamine is like a drug. When you first start having a relationship it is at
its strongest. Then slowly and steadily its dose decreases. This is why long term
relationships need oxytocin in order to survive. Hooking up on the other hand can be very
addictive and non-committing. Every night you hookup you get the initial maximum dosage
of dopamine, but unfortunately for you, if you want to stay free and uncommitted, you also
get a high dose of oxytocin. This causes you to be connecting to the people you hookup
to. There is no such thing as sex with no strings attached. Every time you have sex there
are strings attached
Most people want a steady relationship and a family. It is also common to think that
even though they would want a long term relationship they would also once in a while hook
up to a new person. Evolutionary psychologists do not yet have many answers as to why
humans are monogamous, yet also still have a considerable rate of unfaithfulness within
their relationships. If we conclude that humans were formerly more like the chimpanzee
then their development has definitely been towards monogamy. The explanation given for
this trend would be that the monogamy keeps the parents together creating a more safe
environment for the offspring. It might do us well to consider the trends of our biology as
we think about the well being of our partners and our children. (“Ep01138154.pdf” 140-
142)
Dangers of promiscuity
You have probably seen campaign after campaigns warning about STD’s and how
you should guard yourself from them. Well now STD won’t be the only thing for you to
worry about. There are other dangers to being promiscuous and having sex with multiple
people. A specific danger is abusing your hormones. The hormones, specifically, are
oxytocin and dopamine. If these hormones are abused, there is a chance it could lead to
sexual addiction, emotional danger, or inability to have a steady relationship with one
person.
In surveys done among teenagers on their suicidal tendencies, it was found that
teenagers who are sexually active have a higher tendency to want to commit suicide.
According to a doctor of adolescent medicine, Meg Meeker, "Teenage sexual activity
routinely leads to emotional turmoil and psychological distress.... [Sexual permissiveness
leads] to empty relationships, to feelings of self-contempt and worthlessness. All, of
course, precursors to depression." (“Sexually Active Teenagers Are More Likely to Be
Depressed and to Attempt Suicide | The Heritage Foundation”)
When we talk about sex addiction people think pornography. There are other ways
of being addicted to sex too. Having obsessive amounts of sex to the point it interferes
with other areas of your life can also be considered an addiction.
Conclusion
The two most important hormones involved in chemical hormone bonding
within romance are oxytocin and dopamine. From an early stage during our lives the
chemical hormone bonding influences human relationships. From the very first moments of
our lives till the day that we die our oxytocin hormone bonds us to someone. Whether it be
a person, animal, or picture it has been scientifically proven that there is a connection
being created. Since every one wants to know why they fell in love with a person they try
to find answers. Even with science there still is no full answer to why we fall in love with
this particular person, why do we commit to this person even though we felt the same way
with another partner earlier. Oxytocin and Dopamine are a piece of a puzzle. They are two
large pieces that science is starting to finally understand. Through the use of animals the
research continues.
Humans have shown tendencies to bond together and to want to bond with only one
partner for a longer period. Knowing exactly how much of the romance as we perceive
now is a result of our free will and how much is controlled by hormones is a subject of
further research.
Whatever the case is, even with the limited knowledge that we have, we can see
that these two hormones play a big part in relationships and romance. These questions
have opened the path for future research to find out all the dimensions of what romance is.
Appendix
School Sexual Behavior Survey
What type of a relationship would you prefer at this point in your life?
Steady relationship 86.90%
Open relationship 3.57%
Casual sex 7.14%
Hooking up 2.38%
Why would this type of relationship fit your style of life best? Check all that apply
It feels safe
30.99%
No commitment ties need to be made
4.69%
No stress
13.62%
Builds confidence
25.35%
Fun
25.35%
Which type of relationships do you tend to have?
Sexual 61.33%
Non Sexual 38.67%
Do you think it is better to?
Save your virginity for your lifetime partner 74.68%
To have more than one sexual experience before choosing your lifetime partner 25.32%
Would you want the person you choose as a long term partner to be a virgin before meeting you?
Yes
58.02%
No (I want someone experienced)
12.35%
It does not matter
29.63%
Ideally would you want to eventually have a long term partner?
Yes 97.56%
No 2.44%
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